The economy is down and it seems to be affecting just about everyone. We are actually doing well and I believe that our life style has a little to do with that and admittedly a lot of it is the Lord giving us a little sunshine for a season. One of the best things that the Lord did for us was having us live out of our comfort zone by necessity for the first several years we were married (and a few in the middle). We didn’t appreciate it at the time. Looking back, what a great gift it was.
I have had numerous friends and family speak to me about their money issues in the last 6 months. I would say at least 10 or so and that’s just a ball park figure as I haven’t been tallying marks every time I finish a conversation. I do believe that you should be able to turn to your friends when you have something on your mind so there is no criticism there.
The part that I am frustrated with during many of these conversations is the lack of willingness to change their life style to cut costs. When your income gets slashed, the time to change your life style is immediately, rather than when you run out of money. One reason that change needs to be made immediately is that change takes time. I’ve had many conversations where people tell me “but I shouldn’t have to live like that.” I haven’t made any suggestions that my family hasn’t done at one point or another. Most of them we still do. After a few times of having the same conversation with the same person, I start to feel like they think their family “deserves” more than mine. I know that’s probably not how they mean it, but it does start to feel like that. It cuts especially deep, when these people ask for money after they have run out due to refusing to make any cost cutting changes. To me, it takes guts to ask for money when the askers are still dong things that my family can’t afford to do or at the very least finds extravagant.
I believe part of the problem lies in how we Americans view “necessities”. I know the above is preaching to the choir as most of you have already made your life style changes or are in the process of doing so. I also know that there are a lot of people who cut their costs to the bone and it’s still not enough. I know there were a lot of innocent people who got caught in the housing crisis with a house they could afford at the time of purchase that they were unable to sell when they lost their job. I really do feel for those.
How do you handle conversations with people who seem to have a sense of entitlement? Does the way you handle the conversations change when they are with the people that you love?
This post was not inspired any one person or situation. If all of the people who inspired this post read my blog, I’d have an angry mob of (former?) friends and family standing outside my house within 24 hours of posting.
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Ask the Readers: Why Don’t People Talk About Money?
16 hours ago
So true. We live within our means, but things are still tight. Mostly because with cutbacks in the school, the house and car we could afford three years ago make it tough now. And while we do splurge once in a while, we don't make a habit out of it. However, many of our friends complain about having no money and how they can't do anything, but on the other hand they are eating out every weekend (or every meal) or just bought a cottage or a new TV/computer/you name it. And they don't have kids! It is frustrating to have to listen to them complain when you're living tighter than they are. But the "American Way" says that you can do it all and have it all and I think that people in our generation who have never had to want for anything (in most cases) don't understand for the most part that somestimes you can't do it all and have it all and you have to decide what is a want and what is a need. I think sometimes our generation has difficulty defining those two words.
ReplyDeleteI get irritated with the people who ask for money because they cant pay their rent, but they can pay the 500.00 car payment or for a 1,000 vacation. You can see where priorities lay. But it really gets to me when they have children, and put "other necessities" in front of making the payment on where they live! (Sorry, Im ranting a little ;))
ReplyDeleteExcellent post. I agree that the bottom line seems to be whatever sense of "normal" lifestyle the individual expects. This goes along with the inability to discern needs from wants.
ReplyDeleteA long time ago, I had a friend who was constantly complaining about what they couldn't afford. I tried to help her as I could, but we didn't have much money either, so my help was negligible in her eyes I'm sure. One year at tax time, she mentioned that their income was only $xxxxxx. I was floored because for all her complaining, they were making $6000 more per year than we were, and we both had 2 kids each about the same ages. That was a real eye opener.
I think probably one of the best things we can do is lead by example. If we are content with a simpler lifestyle, then at least they can know it's possible, even if they don't choose it for themselves.
I agree completely! We may not have the best financial situation, but it isn't the worst. And I am realistic enough to realize all of our faults and mistakes and choices and consequences, etc. Oh, it frustrates me so much to listen to people whine, complain, and bemoan their life and then turn around and get a Wii or 5 movies or whatever. So I just try to tune it out, share with them my discovery of southersavers.com (you should check it out if you haven't, give it a few days to see it all) and other sites like it, and move on to other topics. I am not perfect, I buy things I shouldn't probably, but at least I try not to complain about it all and then justify it. Interesting enough, I think our beginning of our marriage affected us as well. We had a high income and became used to it and bought what we wanted. Hard to break those habits. :)
ReplyDeleteI think it's really a huge problem in our society that people entirely confuse wants with needs. There is very little a family truly NEEDS to survive. We used to confuse wants with needs too; but over the years, mostly due to necessity (unemployment), we have discovered that we can make do with less and less. Now, our lifestyle is pretty simple. We drive an old clunker, we wear second hand clothes, we rarely go out--but we are happy and we have everything we need. Even a few things we don't need! It's amazing how you can get by when you get used to the frugal lifestyle.
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